Mini Van Feed

Van is my 6 year old son. He is quite serious, very observant and strives to “do the right thing”. Since February, I have been keeping an ongoing log of things that he says that crack me up.

Saturday 2/21 
We are sharing a roll of all cherry flavored Life Savers.
Van: (Sternly) “Let me tell you something….You can get rolls of Life Savers with several different flavors. This, this, with all the cherry, this is no good. ”

Sunday 2/22 
Van wakes up Sunday morning and turns on the TV to watch cartoons. He doesn’t know how to turn the channel. About 20 minutes later I get up. Blinking blearily at TV.
Me: “Van. Do you want me to change the channel?”
Van: “I don’t think you should. Obama is on.”
I look at TV, he is watching a black minister speaking at a church service.

Van eyes plate of sausage links, says, “Here, let me help you with that.” Proceeds to arrange them in a pattern of checkmarks. “There you go.”

Van: “We haven’t had art class in like 20,000 days.”
Me: “Really? Is your teacher sick maybe?”
Van: “No, I think our bunnies are being roasted.”
(as near as I can figure out – clay bunnies getting fired in a kiln… i hope)

Monday 2/23
Van: “I’m done with shirts.”

Friday 4/24
Van has written the word “cupcake” on his headboard in huge letters with a black sharpie so that when he wakes up it will remind him to make cupcakes. We really need to have a convo about Post Its. 

He also just asked me if I had any “ointment”. huh?

Saturday 4/25
He is telling me a story about a friend, and I say, “Oh, he sounds like a good friend.” And he says, “No. He is my gigantic, humongous friend.”

Sunday 4/26
We took a hike today… lately we have been taking a trash bag because he is *obsessed* with picking up trash. including broken glass, fishing hooks, you name it. It actually is making it hard to take a hike because he won’t budge unless we pick the trash up. Today, we exited the trail to a playground, and he runs over, picks up a piece of trash, shakes fist in the air dramatically, and screams, “Blast you! You littering scumbags!!” I look up to see three or four families staring at us. Thanks Earth Day.

Also on the hike, he is scratching (down there) a lot. So I ask, “Van do you have to go to the bathroom?” and he says, “No. When it’s hot outside, my penis gets dried out.” Yeah, sure. OK.

I told him that he looks so tired, he probably doesn’t even know what day it is. He looks back at me, “It’s Sunday”.


One response to “Mini Van Feed

  1. Ha! LOVE all things Vanology!!!

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